REBLOGGED - "A FRIEND SORELY MISSED AND WILL BE FOREVER REMEMBERED

REBLOGGED FROM:

Diane's Blog

Posted By Diane June 23, 2008

http://blog.dianeyu.com

Steve Wolkoff - A friend sorely missed and will be forever remembered.

It was 8:45am Sunday morning, as I was pulling my car out of the drive way, Doug's ID flashed on my cellphone, I picked up the phone and puzzled because Doug doesn't call me on a Sunday morning. 

"Hello?", Doug's voice was on the phone, "Did I wake you up? I am sorry that I have a very bad news." 

For a second I thought there was a problem with production or we run into trouble with a customer...Then Doug continued: "Steve died in a car accident on highway 1 last night..." 

My mind went completely blank...I repeatedly yelled to the phone with disbelief: "Steve?! You meant the Steve Wolkoff?! Steve?!"... 24 hours later, I am still shocked and speechless, trying to avoid any topic related to Steve, couldn't hold on to read any email related to him, refusing to admit that I won't see him tomorrow, with his trademark grin — as how Mike puts it. 

I have known Steve since he was in GTS at DoubleClick, then getting to know him more when he started on DART Motif, and finally, there is FreeWheel, I get to work with him all those days and nights. 

It is like yesterday when I first introduced him to FreeWheel Beijing team, I was so proud that Steve, yet another ex- clicker chose to join us because he believes in our vision and the people executing it. 

Along with Steve, came with his sunshine personality, a bit shy, a bit reserved, however, always with a smile on his face - the Steve Wolkoff trademark grin. 

I know I will not get over the fact that Steve has left us forever, deep in my heart somewhere, I still hope that this is just a bad dream, When I wake up, everything is going to be alright...When I wake up, he would smile at me, and says "You know, that is a really good point. 

Let me own that."...When I wake up, he would wave at me from his table, says "Hey, Diane, nice to see you here at San Mateo office!"...When I wake up, he would join me on yet another Beijing trip, trying out all "Diane's special tofu" dishes that I am throwing at him, and says "Interesting"... 

I am sharing some pictures taken last August from Kevin, when Steve joined the Beijing team on the Great Wall trip, with Jon and Mike. Steve in the back row, with his trademark grin:

Steve in the back row, with his trademark  grin:

My favorite picture of Steve:

LIFE BRINGS US BACK TO WHAT WE ARE MEANT FOR.... ALWAYS.

                                                                TIME

I wish I had spent more time living than fighting.

More time happy, than sad.

More time touching than looking.

More time playing than working.

More time content than angry.

More time loving than not.

More time enjoying than worrying.

More time free than surviving.

More time doing than planning.

More time caring than not.

More time being stupid than smart.

The incessant, cascading, crushing movement of time, so easy to miss, so costly to lose.

Time leads, and then follows, it is relentless. 

The endless flashes of life, past and present, vividly, hauntingly real, lost, wandering, abandoned, brutally painful, repeatedly stream in and out of restless sleep, breathing 
first with me, then against me. 

The faces, the names, the stories never change. The beginnings, the middles, the ends, never change. Paths cross, mingle, hold together, then break apart. 

So ugly, tortuous, that I need to wake myself up, come out of the nightmares to show that it's not happening now. But I can't wake myself up, stuck in the vortex of hell, until finally I am awake, heart beating out of my chest, exhausted, tired, like I just ran a marathon.

Reflections of the past, and every nuanced moment in my life, night after night relived, the race against the devil, slowly getting the best of me.

In a distant forgotten time, lays a brief time of innocence. I am gliding freely, remembering nothing but peacefulness. 

My eyes open and there is reality, the spectacle of life, ebbing and flowing, and then finding its way to dream again. It moves unbroken and determined, chasing me, racing me, pursuing me.

It was never meant to be easy.

It was never meant to be fair.

It was never meant to be otherwise.

The incessantly speedy and yet crawling turtle slow movement of time, so easy to miss, so precious to lose.

LIFE BRINGS US BACK TO WHAT WE ARE MEANT FOR.... ALWAYS.

A MOTHER'S LOVE LASTS FOREVER

                              

 
 

I thought of you with love today
but that is nothing new

I thought about you yesterday
and days before that too,
I think of you in silence
I often speak your name

All I have are memories
and your picture in a frame.

Your memory is my keepsake
with which I’ll never part
I have you in my heart.

I thought of you today, but that is nothing new. I thought about you yesterday and days before that too. I think of you in silence, I often speak your name. All I have are memories and your picture in a frame. Your memory is a keepsake from which I’ll never part. God has you in His arms, I have you in my heart.

See more at: http://www.idlehearts.com/?p=24438I thought of you with love today

Today is the day that my Mother, Dorothy Wolkoff died on June 30th,1997. It was sudden and there was never a chance to say goodbye.
 

 My mom was the strongest, toughest, most courageous, gentle, caring person I have ever known. 
Biology aside, mom's can be magical human beings. A mother's love is unlimited, it can heal us, make us feel safe, not to mention inspire us. My mother was all that and more. How lucky I am.

My mother was the only one who believed in me, particularly during my youth, and stubbornly never gave up, no matter how much I screwed up. 

She taught me much, but in particular, emphasized the importance of self pride, work/life ethics, compassion, caring, and being humble. 

In spite of her hard life, she provided for my sister and myself, by doing whatever was necessary for us to live, we never lacked for anything, because of her grueling unselfish efforts. My mother literally saved my life many times, she was one of a kind, I will always remember and love her for that. 

Without her support during my most difficult years as a youngster, a wild acting out teenager, she ALWAYS stood up to me, for me, guided me, and refused to give in, or give up on me. It was not easy for her to do that, but she would not back down, ever.

I told my mom in many different ways over the years how much this eventually contributed to my taking the correct productive path with my life, instead of continuing in the wrong direction, ALL because of her. 

I spent much of my adult life making my mother proud of me, telling her how much I loved her. 


Whatever is good in me, came from my mother. 


I miss you mom.

TERMINALLY STUPID AWARD FOR TODAY-CLARENCE THOMAS

Saturday, June 27, 2015

The Supreme Court ruled yesterday that the U.S. Constitution provides same sex couples the right to marry, handing a historic triumph to the American gay rights movement.

The court ruled 5-4 that the Constitution's guarantees of due process and equal protection under the law mean that states cannot ban same sex marriages. 

With the landmark ruling, gay marriage becomes legal in all 50 states.

There are many articles, commentary being written about this ruling that all Americans are guaranteed equality by the Constitution of the United States.

There are also many haters, hypocrites, self-righteous "losers" who have opened their mouths in not being able to understand the true meaning of Democracy, that whether you agree or disagree with something, when the majority rules in elections, Supreme Court decisions, whatever, you need to shut up and accept the decision gracefully.

Lately I have been informally choosing the "Terminal Stupid Award of the Day" to various deserving people who push the definition of human intelligence to the outer depths of extreme ignorance when it comes to talking about victims.

Someone has to recognize these morons, there are so many of them, and I will try to be more formal in the future, blogging about those who really are deserving of receiving this award.

Today's terminally stupid award goes to: 

Justice Clarence Thomas in his personal dissenting statement to the Supreme Courts Ruling on Gay Rights.

You remember Clarence Thomas, he is the second African American to have been appointed to the Supreme Court (after the legendary Thurgood Marshall).

Thomas has endured negative publicity beginning with his contentious confirmation hearings.

On the bench, Thomas is sometimes referred to as "Silent Clarence" for almost never speaking, or asking a question during oral arguments before the Supreme Court.

                                                  Clarence Thomas

Thomas is apparently very upset about the majority of his colleagues writing so much about "dignity" for gay couples in today's decision. 

Here's what he said today about human dignity:

Thomas, in his bizarre bubble world of terminal stupidity, has no clue to his own lack of dignity as a human being, let alone to comment about that of others.

Clarence is saying that dignity is like the soul. It can never be taken away, certainly not by the government, especially not by those evil kinds of governments that torture, murder, enslave, oppress, terrorize, intimidate, jail, and remove human rights, freedoms, from it's people.

According to his reasoning, your dignity hasn't been compromised by laws against gay marriage any more than the Nazis murdering 6 million Jews because they were Jewish, or slavery compromised the dignity of the Africans who were abducted, exploited, raped and murdered in its name.

Tell that to a holocaust victim of horrific Concentration Camps, slaves, women who have been raped, innocent murdered human beings, their families, all victims of injustice, and most having lost their dignity through no fault of their own.

What Mr. Thomas is incapable of understanding is this: good law creates its own dignity as well as dignity for its beneficiaries. 

Evil law, like that which forced men, women, and children to jump out of cattle cars, disrobe, and walk naked down a path to gas chambers while a orchestra played Mozart, creates no dignity, it steals human dignity and turns it to ash.

What a stupid, ignorant, insipid, disingenuous, self-serving little weasel, Thomas is overwhelmingly entitled to today's terminally stupid award winner. 

Stupid is defined in the dictionary as:

: not intelligent : having or showing a lack of ability to learn and understand things

: not sensible or logical

: not able to think normally because you are drunk, tired, etc.

1

a :  slow of mind :  obtuse

b :  given to unintelligent decisions or acts :  acting in an unintelligent or careless manner

c :  lacking intelligence or reason :  brutish

2

:  dulled in feeling or sensation :  torpid stupid

 from the sedative>

3

:  marked by or resulting from unreasoned thinking or acting :  senseless stupid

 decision>

4

a :  lacking interest or point stupid

 event>

b :  vexatious, exasperating

"Silent Clarence" you meet all the standards of the word stupid.

 So, I think the reason you don't participate in courtroom questioning, is that your terminally stupid. Case Closed.

MY SON STEVEN NATHANIEL WOLKOFF

                    

                         SUNDAY, JUNE 21, 2015 

                           

                      STEVEN NATHANIEL WOLKOFF

SEPTEMBER 23, 1977- JUNE 21, 2008

BELOVED SON, BROTHER,GRANDSON,

NEPHEW, COUSIN, CHERISHED LOVE

GOOD FRIEND

GENTLY THEY GO,

THE BEAUTIFUL,

THE TENDER, THE KIND

FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS

Today  June 21, 2015 is Father's day.

I am so grateful for all that I have from my two children as their father.

Today, also by the quirks of the calendar is the anniversary of the seventh year of an eternity in agony for all of us, marking the horrific day, June 21, 2008, that my oldest child, Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff, was cruelly killed at the age of 30, his life brutally stolen from him, your family, friends, me. 

Steven died on the first day of Summer, same as today, it was 5 PM on a Saturday afternoon, exactly seven years ago.

It seems so much longer than seven years have gone by since we lost him. 

I still feel that it cannot be true, somehow suddenly he will appear, call me on the phone, or send me an email. That feeling never leaves, it is always there, I will wake up from this nightmare, and Steven will be here, alive.

Oh how he loved the summer months and life itself. He was looking forward to it all, never realizing that his life would end that day in 2008 due to the negligence of others. 

I posted the other pictures above of Steven because they are some of my favorite ones, and also he is so real, alive in them, and for a second, he seems to actually be here.

Today, on this seventh anniversary of Steven's tragic death, if you can, please take a moment now to remember who Steven was and how deeply he is missed by each of us.

The last time I spoke to Steven, was on the phone,Tuesday evening, June 17 , 2008.

I didn't know that moment was going to be our last.
The last time I would talk to you, and hear your beautiful voice.

The last time I would tell you that I loved you, and hear you say “I love you too dad”. Strong and so real, so vibrant and alive.

A smiling face, with twinkling eyes, your special smile, my fine young man, my oldest child.

The shattered remnant of my heart with holes so black and fathomless no light can ever fill. I am and will be in shock forever.

Time has passed before me, so bleak and dark and long, the wind that whispers through the trees, the brightest star at night, the rain on a dismal day, my endless dreams, nightmares, the constant thoughts, hearing the door bell ringing, seeing the 2 Nassau County Policeman at my door at 4 AM asking me politely if they could come inside, no eye contact from them, I knew and asked them "which one of my children", their response "do you have a son Steven living in San Francisco, he was killed in a car collision". 

That moment is frozen in my mind, repeating itself endlessly almost every waking and sleeping moment of my life.

The tragic death of Steven was caused by stupid, senseless acts. Every day, each night, my mind is focused on the highway at the collision, looking at Steven’s face while he is alive and then later, he is dead, covered by a tarp on the highway.

The collision seems less a random act, and more determined, by a series of factors, not so benign, each one a contributing cause of my son’s death.

Steven was killed not by accident, but by horribly connected actions, and inactions, of many others, each building on the impact of the other. Steven’s death began when distinct acts of design and error grew to become the chaos of negligence.

Steven was killed because of a poorly designed highway, outmoded, dangerously engineered for the volume of the Saturday traffic, moving slowly or quickly, to pass or turn.

Steven was killed by the lack of highway signage, a secret State cover up of a structurally flawed highway design known as a "death trap", whose design errors were deliberately never corrected violating the written safety codes of the  same government department responsible for building the highway, and the carelessness of a local community program, having a gathering, unaware that their visitors, were parking, turning, clogging this already too narrow stretch of road.

Steven was killed by a 21 year old drug impaired driver, who did not even have a driver’s license, an illegal alien. His danger to others not in his thoughts, but mostly I think he just didn't care about the effects of his irresponsible actions on Steven.

Steven was killed by an army of first responders, Paramedics, Emergency Medical Technicians, Police, Firefighters, and Park Rangers, etc., busy littering the highway with equipment, while they tried to look busy and important.

Steven courageously lived for about an hour after the collision while multiple systems of rescue professionals failed to get him to the hospital, and were unable to properly provide a minimum standard of the medical skills that they were trained to perform.

The first responders missed his airway, suffocating him, vital oxygen crushing against his heart, lungs and diaphragm, taking his breath away, and horrifically killing him.

The responder’s mission, to stabilize Steven for triage care at the Hospital, failed, lost in a few hundred square feet of disorder, with no one in charge, no one leading, standing, telling, helping, shouting, or recognizing the obvious signs of their medical errors.

My son Steven was killed by carelessness, thoughtlessness, and negligence on the part of multiple entities and individuals.

A gifted, talented, precious, irreplaceable, meaningful life was stolen from all of us who loved him deeply, because of the actions of so many who, each in their own way, miserably failed to anticipate and recognize that the consequences of their actions and inactions, all destroyed Steven’s life.

A Jury trial is scheduled for March 28, 2016 as we are still after all these years doing our very best to obtain justice and accountability for your having had your life stolen from you.

My first-born son, my Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff, so cruelly taken from us at the age of 30 years old.

I cannot believe that my son Steven lies buried in a grave so young, me dreaming of things that he was and might have been. 

  

I never have said the traditional Mourners Kaddish prayer for Steven because it's words are completely meaningless to me. 

I have written my own Mourners Kaddish as a way to honor Steven, and I usually post it every year at this time, thereby testifying that Steven left behind a legacy of goodness, and worthy descendants, those who loved him, who will always remember that he lived.

These sentences speak directly to Steven, because his pain and loss need to be honestly described in real words that accurately reflect my true feelings.               

STEVEN NATHANIEL WOLKOFF'S MOURNERS  KADDISH

Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff, Shmuel Nacham Ben Yaakov,  (Samuel Nathan, Son of Jerry).
                      
September 23, 1977- June 21, 2008

I am sorry that you are dead.

I am sorry you suffered so painfully, on that awful day, as you fought to stay alive.

I am sorry for the agony you felt, I see it in your eyes, face, and body from the horrific evidence photos.  I see and feel it in my endless nightmares.

I am sorry for the fear, terror, unimaginable pain you felt in fighting for your life, as they killed you. I know the truth of your courage in being able to fight so bravely to stay alive.

I am sorry for you because you were not killed by accident, but instead by the senseless, stupid, careless, actions of so many others who could have saved your life, but instead, each in their own way, miserably failed you that day, never realizing or even considering taking responsibility, or accountability for the consequences of their actions, inaction's, indifference, and incompetence.

I am sorry you died not due to fate, nor randomly, but were instead killed by the cascading chaos of connected, dysfunctional, defective entities and others, all who caused your preventable death.

I am sorry that you died because the State of California did not care about your life and decided not to fix a dangerously unsafe road, instead they deliberately hid the structural defects in the highway that made it into a death trap.

I am sorry that you died because of the 21 year old drug impaired driver speeding out of control into your car. His danger to you not in his thoughts, but mostly I think he just didn't care about the effects of his irresponsible actions.

I am sorry about the inept, licensed, qualified, medical first responders who had no idea, not a clue, of what they were doing medically to you as they killed you. They have no consciences and lied to hide how they murdered you in cold blood.

I am sorry for you, that so many corrupt, ugly cowards of evil, who have evidence of the truth, but have no conscience to speak up, remain silent, lie, omit, refuse to come forward to admit their responsibility in covering up the true facts that all contributed to killing you. 

I am sorry for those whose toxic evil allowed all of the above to be done to you and escaped from being held accountable for participating in your death.

I am sorry that your soul and body were desecrated in death.   

I am sorry for the wicked hideous ones who desecrated your body in death and refuse to take accountability for their violation of your body, your soul.

I am sorry that it has took us five years to finally successfully legally force the spiteful, hateful San Mateo County Coroner to release your final remains for proper burial.

I am sorry that you died in spite of the true medical facts that show you should be alive today.

I am sorry for all the multitude of evil ones who have tried to defame you and erase that your name.

I am sorry that life is so cheap and yours has no value to those who killed you and try to erase you ever existed.

I am sorry that the Legal system is weak, corrupt and I have not been able to obtain real justice for you. I failed to accomplish getting Justice for you, please forgive me.

I am sorry for my failing as your father to keep you from dying.

I am sorry you did not leave the beach one second earlier or later to return home that day of June, 21, 2008.

I am sorry that I was not there to protect you.

I am sorry that I was not there that day to comfort you, hold you, ease your pain.

I am sorry that I don't know the last thoughts in your mind before you died.

I am sorry that you died alone, with strangers, and no one even had the courage, kindness to hold your hand.

I am sorry that you died lying on a hot highway pavement, in a place unfamiliar, in the middle of nowhere.

I am sorry that no one had the decency to cover your right arm and both feet, as you lay dead under the blue tarp.

I am sorry the Medvac trauma helicopter was delayed in arriving there by 4 minutes, too late to stop the killer first responders from touching you.

I am sorry that I was not even able to protect your dignity in death.

I am sorry you cannot cry.

I am sorry you cannot scream.

I am sorry you cannot laugh.

I am sorry you cannot smile.

I am sorry you cannot feel.

I am sorry you cannot talk.

I am sorry you cannot breathe.

I am sorry you are silent forever. 

I am sorry that the world said nothing, heard nothing, says nothing about the injustices done to you.
  

I am sorry that it was you and not me.

I am sorry that I had to bury you and that you didn't bury me first, as it should be.  

I am sorry for everything that I forgot to say now, or cannot, and did not say here.

I am sorry for YOU because you are not here, you are NO MORE on this earth. 

I am sorry that you cannot rest in peace.

More than anything, I am sorry that you didn't have a chance to say goodbye.

Your family will always honor you, remember you, miss you, keep you in our heart, preserve your memory in lovingly telling future generations about you, and love you forever. 

We all miss you so very much.

I mourn what was, what could of been, and what will never be.

You deserved so much better my son, it just wasn’t meant to be.

Your brother, sister, mother, family, and others who love you, will do the same. We will never forget YOU, never stop loving you, our precious beloved Steven. NEVER.

Steven, I can only say, I am SORRY, SORRY, I am so SORRY.

At some moments in time, I reach a point where there is nothing else to be said about the death of Steven. 

Today is again, one of those moments.  

My heart is broken, my Steven is gone, and we will mourn forever.

  -Amen. Love, Dad.