Monday, August 2, 2010


As a young man, I saw my life ahead as having so much time, so many years and adventures ahead, that belief was easy. My hopes were relatively humble, a family of my own, children who would be my most important legacy, health, happiness, and some inner peace. It's all out there, needing only belief and effort to reel it in.

Much the same can be said about everything else in life such as success, making a difference for others, achievement, faith. In some very important ways I have achieved these hopes and turned them into a wonderful reality, one that I never imagined was possible for myself to attain. Life is good, I am grateful for that.

Yet, still, there has been enormous, extreme personal pain, tragedies, and anguish during my journey, as I didn't realize the incredible power of the illusive intruder of fate, the unknown, and its uncontrollable, insatiable, need to interfere with ones dreams.

Karma, fate, the unknown, whatever you want to call it, is an irrational part of life that has no rules, seemingly reduced to a mathematical random formula, having nothing to do with your being a good person or an evil devil.

This life is a journey for each of us, one that is unfolding as I write. For me, the challenges are certainly real enough on all sides of my ledger. Life so far has been a positive miracle in so many ways, and also a horrific ugly living nightmare in other parts.

Second, third, more chances are finite, a realization that hits only when its mostly too late to do anything about it. It all seems to be an unanswerable puzzle, impossible to solve, a maze of unpredictable, endless twists and turns, of which many seem to make no sense, nor follow any logical direction.

I don't know anymore, not sure if belief is enough, and I wonder if in the end, any of these questions will get answered, if there is some plan, some rhyme or reason for all that has happened, all that I have been, have done, have felt, that which I feel now, or are no longer able to feel, and what will I experience in the future.

It is in that sense that maybe we all share life's quandary, predicaments and confusion. In the end, will my path make any sense at all?