Tuesday, May 31, 2011


Most of you know that I am not a believer in god. To each his/her own and you are welcome to believe in whatever you want, as long as it doesn't hurt someone else.

I like the quotes of certain people who I think spoke the truth. Many of them were musicians, who expressed their inner most feelings through their songs, words that spoke about real life. Frank Zappa, Jimi Hendrix, and Jim Morrison possessed a great deal of truth in what they said. Hendrix and Morrison died from drug overdoses, Zappa from prostate cancer. Their wisdom did not serve them well in keeping them alive, but organized religion doesn't have much of a successful record either.

With credit to Jim Morrison, whose music with the Doors was so far ahead of its time, incredibly, profoundly religious in words of truth, reality about life. I am caught in a time warp where these words by Morrison, describe my realities of why I have been publicly blogging, especially now, starting with my  annual "MARCH", in particular this year, first about my sister Iris.

For too long Victims have had and continue to have no rights. The right of expression of their own reality, feelings, thoughts, and the humanity of those they speak for are sacred, and not meant to be taboo because it may upset other people.

In particular, I was ashamed of my pain, hid it from the world, as if there was something wrong, dirty about it. Almost like my loved ones did something wrong to make others uncomfortable by my talking about memories of them. It was as if I wasn't supposed to talk about it, too sad, not happy thoughts. Even losing my mysterious bananas, funny stuff, was an admission of my weakness, but it fit in my Blog, so I wrote about it.

People have actually told me how they expect or want me to feel, some mean well, most are selfish, frightened, cruel and actually have gotten angry with me, even ended relationships, because I did not listen to them, expressed what I felt instead, did not measure up to their standards of the way they believe I should feel. 

Sure most of my posts are raw, ugly, but that doesn't make it untouchable to express reality. If people choose to flee from me because they cannot deal with this ugliness, that is their choice.Those few that stay are my righteous family members, friends,  loved ones who can understand.

Jim Morrison said it best:
“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”