Friday, September 23, 2016

ANOTHER BIRTHDAY









My older son Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff would have been 39 years old today.

What can a parent say on the birthday of their dead child.?

A living child asks for a birthday party. 

As they become older, you, as the parent, ask them what they want for their birthday. There’s dialogue. 

It’s tradition to remember your child's birthday, to not do so ignores that they lived.
But what exactly is a parent supposed to do on the birthday of their child when he is gone? 

Not gone, as in out of town or at the beach, or out of the country. Gone as in, no longer alive.
A dead child doesn’t want. 

A dead son asks for nothing.
What does a mom or dad do? Where’s the rule book for recognizing birthdays of a dead child?
Steve was born on the first day of Fall and died on the first day of Summer. 

There something odd to me about the the significance of the equinox and solstice in his life and its parallel meaning to the Earth. 

If the autumnal equinox represents balance, then the summer solstice was most certainly the day we felt our world come to a deafening halt on the longest day of the year.


Steven lies dead in a grave because of the negligence and indifference of those who killed him, stole his life at the age of 30, and have tried to erase that he ever lived.

I mourn what was, what could of been, and what will never be.

You deserved so much better my son, it just wasn't meant to be. 

Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff: 

I will Love and Remember you Forever. Love-Dad

Monday, September 19, 2016

ETEPLIRSEN APPROVED FOR TREATMENT OF DUCHENNE MUSCULAR DYSTROPY-SEPTEMBER 19, 2016

                     UPDATED SEPTEMBER 19, 2016
Sarepta Therapeutics Inc has received the U.S. Food and Drug Administration’s approval of their Sarepta’s eteplirsen injection drug today,September 19, 2016
Here's Why Sarepta Therapeutics Inc Is Up 80% Today (SRPT)Eteplirsen, otherwise known as Exondys 51, has been approved for the treatment of Duchenne muscular dystrophy, particularly in patients with a rare form of DMD.
The FDA’s Center for Drug Evaluation and Research director, Janet Woodcock, had this to say:
“Patients with a particular type of Duchenne muscular dystrophy will now have access to an approved treatment for this rare and devastating disease. In rare diseases, new drug development is especially challenging due to the small numbers of people affected by each disease and the lack of medical understanding of many disorders. Accelerated approval makes this drug available to patients based on initial data, but we eagerly await learning more about the efficacy of this drug through a confirmatory clinical trial that the company must conduct after approval.”
The clinical trial Woodcock is referring to is a condition of the FDA approval where Sarepta will have to hold a randomized two-year trial to determine just how effective the drug is as a treatment. From the Department of Health and Human Services:
“If postmarketing clinical trials fail to verify clinical benefit or are not conducted with due diligence, we may, following a hearing in accordance with 21 CFR 314.530, withdraw this approval.”
Winning FDA approval had been an uphill battle for SRPT, as the efficacy of the drug was hotly debated for months leading up to today’s decision.
Mainly, opponents of the treatment questioned the drug’s ability to produce the protein dystrophin, needed to keep muscle fibers from degenerating. Also in question was a 12-patient clinical trial used by SRPT, as the company did not test the treatment in a larger, placebo-controlled group per the FDA’s requests. For these reasons, the drug was deemed ineffective and failed to meet approval in April of this year.


Exondys 51 is specifically indicated for patients who have a confirmed mutation of the dystrophin gene amenable to exon 51 skipping, which affects about 13 percent of the population with DMD.
DMD is a rare genetic disorder characterized by progressive muscle deterioration and weakness. It is the most common type of muscular dystrophy. DMD is caused by an absence of dystrophin, a protein that helps keep muscle cells intact. The first symptoms are usually seen between three and five years of age, and worsen over time. The disease often occurs in people without a known family history of the condition and primarily affects boys, but in rare cases it can affect girls. DMD occurs in about one out of every 3,600 male infants worldwide.
People with DMD progressively lose the ability to perform activities independently and often require use of a wheelchair by their early teens. As the disease progresses, life-threatening heart and respiratory conditions can occur. Patients typically succumb to the disease in their 20s or 30s; however, disease severity and life expectancy vary.
Exondys 51 was approved under the accelerated approval pathway, which provides for the approval of drugs that treat serious or life-threatening diseases and generally provide a meaningful advantage over existing treatments. Approval under this pathway can be based on adequate and well-controlled studies showing the drug has an effect on a surrogate endpoint that is reasonably likely to predict clinical benefit to patients (how a patient feels or functions or whether they survive). This pathway provides earlier patient access to promising new drugs while the company conducts clinical trials to verify the predicted clinical benefit.
The accelerated approval of Exondys 51 is based on the surrogate endpoint of dystrophin increase in skeletal muscle observed in some Exondys 51-treated patients. The FDA has concluded that the data submitted by the applicant demonstrated an increase in dystrophin production that is reasonably likely to predict clinical benefit in some patients with DMD who have a confirmed mutation of the dystrophin gene amenable to exon 51 skipping. A clinical benefit of Exondys 51, including improved motor function, has not been established. In making this decision, the FDA considered the potential risks associated with the drug, the life-threatening and debilitating nature of the disease for these children and the lack of available therapy.
Under the accelerated approval provisions, the FDA is requiring Sarepta Therapeutics to conduct a clinical trial to confirm the drug’s clinical benefit. The required study is designed to assess whether Exondys 51 improves motor function of DMD patients with a confirmed mutation of the dystrophin gene amenable to exon 51 skipping. If the trial fails to verify clinical benefit, the FDA may initiate proceedings to withdraw approval of the drug.
The most common side effects reported by participants taking Exondys 51 in the clinical trials were balance disorder and vomiting.
The FDA granted Exondys 51 fast track designation, which is a designation to facilitate the development and expedite the review of drugs that are intended to treat serious conditions and that demonstrate the potential to address an unmet medical need. It was also granted priority review and orphan drug designation.
Priority review status is granted to applications for drugs that, if approved, would be a significant improvement in safety or effectiveness in the treatment of a serious condition. Orphan drug designation provides incentives such as clinical trial tax credits, user fee waiver and eligibility for orphan drug exclusivity to assist and encourage the development of drugs for rare diseases.
The manufacturer received a rare pediatric disease priority review voucher, which comes from a program intended to encourage development of new drugs and biologics for the prevention and treatment of rare pediatric diseases. This is the seventh rare pediatric disease priority review voucher issued by the FDA since the program began.
Exondys 51 is made by Sarepta Therapeutics of Cambridge, Massachusetts.
The FDA, an agency within the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, protects the public health by assuring the safety, effectiveness, and security of human and veterinary drugs, vaccines and other biological products for human use, and medical devices. The agency also is responsible for the safety and security of our nation’s food supply, cosmetics, dietary supplements, products that give off electronic radiation, and for regulating tobacco products.

                           Updated April 29, 2016             

                                 Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy


    I have written previously about Duchenne muscular dystrophy, a rare and fatal, genetic muscle disease that affects children (CLICK HERE TO VIEW PREVIOUS POSTS).

    Saturday, August 20, 2016

    THE LITTLE BOY WHO CAN'T CRY-OMRAN DAQNEESH






    It is 3 days now since the story above went viral on the news, given the attention span of the world, it is now mostly forgotten. 

    After all the little boy who can't cry is just another horrific story about small children who are being brutalized every day, all over the world in acts of hatred, politics, and money.  

    The world is so beyond saving that it doesn't put any value, on any human life no matter how ugly the killing of innocent victims are, it just doesn't matter at all. 

    Those people that care, take a day or at most three for the usual crocodile tears of feeling bad and then forget about it all. That is what comprises the limits of compassion in our sick society.

    People are starving to death, dying all over the world. 

    Why are we not as excited about doing good or saving lives as we are about running fast, swimming fast or seeing who's the best at running around after a ball?

    I write about this little boy who can't cry because he is the world. Silent in spite of unbearable agonizing pain, cruelty, and stunned into being mute.

    Look into this little boys eyes, his face, there is nothing there, he is alive but there is no life coming from him, he is seriously injured, but there is no awareness coming from him, he is lost, gone, existing in another place that no-one wants to know about.

    His name is Omran Daqneesh. The image of him, bloodied and covered with dust, sitting silently in an ambulance awaiting help, is another stark reminder of the toll of the war in Syria.
    He is young, one witness puts him at five years old, as old as the Syrian war itself.
    He lived with his mother, father, brother and sister in the Syrian city of Aleppo.
    He and his family were injured when their house was destroyed by an air strike Wednesday. Activists blame the Syrian regime and Russia for the bombings.
    Aleppo, in northern Syria, has been besieged for years during that country's civil war. Thousands of people have been killed there, including 4,500 children, and many lives have been upended.
    Omran's family is among them.
    The video above shows a civil defense worker carrying the little boy to an ambulance. His cartoon character T-shirt is covered in dust, the left side of his face is bloody. He is silent despite the chaotic scene around him.
    He was not crying at any point during the rescue.
    He is in shock, looking dazed as he sits on the vehicle's orange seat, his hands on his lap, as he waits to be treated, as he waits for somebody to help him.
    He raises his left hand to his eye and feels the area around his temple as if he has been hit there. He wipes his face and looks down at the blood.
    Omran's story is repeated every day, all over the world.
    The doctor who treated him said his physical injuries were light compared to the others wounded in the bombing.
    The traumatic injuries he received will last a lifetime, if he lives much longer.

    We don't like talking about these kinds of things, we don't want to see these scenes, so they don't get very much attention because it's not happening to you.

    The world is silent, nothing changes, nothing will change, until it might happen to you or your family.


    The truth is that the killing of victims happens all of the time, in your Town, State, Country, not only in the rubble of bombs, but in the the wreckage of the human spirit, the lack of compassion, the complete indifference to the suffering of those all around us.

    Don't expect anyone to pay attention to your agony for more than a few days if you become a victim or are part of a victims family.


    Syria is far away, a distant part of the world, but evil lurks everywhere.

    The new reality is that no-one really cares, no -one really cries, and silence is what you will eventually end up with, whether you are "there" or here".

    You can hide in your fake bubble of denial but don't think that that will protect you because bubbles often burst.

    Wednesday, August 17, 2016

    THE HARDEST THINGS TO HEAR AND DO- IT NEVER GETS BETTER OR EASIER.


    Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff 
    My Beloved Son,
    Forever Loved and Remembered,

    Wherever I go, Whatever I do,

    Every second in time,

    This necklace is always around my neck, literally touching my broken heart.




                              It Never gets easier.
                              It Never gets better.


    Friday, July 22, 2016

    WHAT YOU ALLOW IS WHAT WILL CONTINUE


    It has been said that history may not repeat itself, but that it does rhyme.

    With all the massive killing world wide of innocent victims, the polarization of so many people who love to hate, to blame everything on anyone but themselves, culminating in the disappearance of Basic humanity.
    After what happens world wide, almost on a daily basis, the slaughter of human beings, terror attacks, oppression, corruption, cruelty, vile, vindictive rhetoric from our "leaders", there is a complete absence of meaningful responses to the human suffering everywhere that surrounds us. 
    There is zero value given to human lives, a norm of complacency among the populations of the world, disinterest in what is now accepted by many as "normal", resulting in a certain feeling, a stink of rotting smells in the air all around us.
    This rotting smell is the death of Basic humanity. 
    Basic humanity is an innate capacity for interest in the well being of others. In its more developed expressions, it motivates respectful, helpful, valuing, nurturing, protective, and altruistic behaviors. In extreme adversity, it motivates sacrifice and rescue.
    Basic humanity allows us to grow beyond the confines of personal experience and prejudice to recognize the inherent value of other people. The more in touch with basic humanity, the more humane we feel. When out of touch with it, we feel less humane.
    In this Age of Entitlement with its emphasis on "getting your needs met," basic humanity is fast disappearing. 
    The alarming prevalence of resentment and anger/hate in today's world parallels the retreat of basic humanity from the popular consciousness. 
    People largely have chosen to believe and see the world through the way they want it to be, without any regard for the ugly reality of the world we all live in. 
    Lies, distortions, blame, false entitlement, lack of accountability of our own actions, inactions, all comprise the way many blindly, arrogantly view the world around us.
    Within this vacuum of humanity, a bubble of make believe, souless humans exist in a world that is truly out of control. In other words, people don't give a shit about anyone or anything but themselves.
    These feelings for many began with a sense of helplessness and loss of confidence in our institutions. 

    They seem impotent in the face of terrible problems and a growing divide between intensely polarized sides that people have embraced. 

    A growing swathe of American society is both angry and untrusting, fearful and seeking simple one syllable solutions to complex challenges. Where once people wanted leaders who were refined, well educated and capable of delivering a message of hope, today many seek leaders who are common, coarse and corrupt.

    Angry fearful Americans seek to be told precisely who's responsible for today being so unlike yesterday, and don't particularly care what the answer is, as long as it's not the truth and doesn't actually involve them.
    As the current political Presidential conventions in the U.S. unfold, there will be a lot of talk, but no real solutions will be found here. The problems we have as a Country and Society have been a long time building, they won’t be solved by empty words, slogans, demagogues and corrupt politicians.
    America is in a deep abyss of trouble.  

    With the wide division of so many of our citizens, a lot of people out there will continue believing with every fiber of their being that the nation is under attack both from within and without; that its leaders are traitorous conspirators who hate America. They will continue to do whatever is necessary in attempting to further their objectives.

    At the same time there is a diametrically opposite part of the population spectrum that is alienated complacent, detached, and have given up on the system. They no longer care to be involved with what happens to our Country, don't vote, don't get involved, and believe that magically they can somehow exist untouched in this cesspool of a mess that our Country has become.

    All of this will continue wrecking havoc on a Country desperately in need of hope, unity and a sense of common purpose. And perhaps worst of all, this monster of havoc will no doubt contend with the fiery breath that the election of 2016 was stolen by an entrenched left-wing conspiracy or a right wing fascist coup, which depending on who wins, swears eternal fealty to God, or to Allah, to Madison or to Marx, to heaven or to hedonism.  
    As citizens of the United States we have the critically important responsibilities of working together for the common good, survival of our Country, and what we will leave for our children, grandchildren to inherit.
    Sadly there is more interest in Pokemon, Facebook, and the Kardashian's than there is in saving ourselves.
    We are not going to get very far in surviving as a civilization if Basic humanity takes its last breath.
    What you allow is what will continue.


    Thursday, June 30, 2016

    A MOTHER'S LOVE




    I thought of you with love today
    but that is nothing new

    I thought about you yesterday
    and days before that too,
    I think of you in silence
    I often speak your name

    All I have are memories
    and your picture in a frame.
    Your memory is my keepsake
    with which I’ll never part
    I have you in my heart.
    I thought of you today, but that is nothing new. I thought about you yesterday and days before that too. I think of you in silence, I often speak your name. All I have are memories and your picture in a frame. Your memory is a keepsake from which I’ll never part. God has you in His arms, I have you in my heart.

    See more at: http://www.idlehearts.com/?p=24438I thought of you with love today

    Today is the day that my Mother, Dorothy Wolkoff died on June 30th,1997. It was sudden and there was never a chance to say goodbye.
     
    My mom was the strongest, toughest, most courageous, gentle, caring person I have ever known. 

    Biology aside, mom's can be magical human beings. A mother's love is unlimited, it can heal us, make us feel safe, and to inspire us. My mother was all that and more. How lucky I am.

    She taught me much, but in particular, emphasized the importance of self pride, work/life ethics, compassion, caring, and being humble. 

    In spite of her hard life, she provided for my sister and myself, by doing whatever was necessary for us to live, we never lacked for anything, because of her grueling unselfish efforts. 

    My mother was the only one who believed in me, particularly during my youth, and stubbornly never gave up, no matter how much I screwed up. 

    Without her support during my most difficult years as a youngster, a wild acting out teenager, she ALWAYS stood up to me, for me, guided me, and refused to give in, or give up on me. It was not easy for her to do that, but she would not back down, ever.

    My mother literally saved my life many times, she was one of a kind, I will always remember and love her for that. 

    I told my mom in many different ways over the years how much this eventually contributed to my taking the correct productive path with my life, instead of continuing in the wrong direction, all because of her. 

    I spent much of my adult life making my mother proud of me, telling her how much I loved her. 

    Whatever is good in me, came from my mother. 

    I miss you mom.

    Tuesday, June 21, 2016

    TUESDAY, JUNE 21, 2016- EIGHT YEARS WITHOUT STEVEN


                        
                                                                      TUESDAY, JUNE 21, 2016 





    SEPTEMBER 23, 1977- JUNE 21, 2008

    BELOVED SON, BROTHER,GRANDSON,
    NEPHEW, COUSIN, CHERISHED LOVE
    GOOD FRIEND

    GENTLY THEY GO,
    THE BEAUTIFUL,
    THE TENDER, THE KIND

    FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS

    Today is the anniversary of the eighth year of an eternity in agony, marking the horrific day, June 21, 2008, that my oldest child, Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff, was cruelly killed at the age of 30, his life brutally stolen from him, family, friends, me. 

    I dread the coming of this day every year.

    Steven died on the first day of Summer, it was 5 PM on a Saturday afternoon, exactly eight years ago.

    It seems so much longer than eight years have gone by since we lost him. 

    I still feel that it cannot be true, somehow suddenly he will appear, call me on the phone, or send me an email. That feeling never leaves, it is always there, I will wake up from this nightmare, and Steven will be here, alive.

    There are mornings that I wake up believing for a few seconds that Steven is alive and it was just a horrible nightmare that he is dead. Then the reality strikes me full force in the face and gut,that he is dead forever, how can that be?

    Oh how he loved the summer months and life itself. He was looking forward to it all, never realizing that his life would end that day in 2008.

    I posted the other pictures above of Steven because they are some of my favorite ones, and also he is so real, alive in them, and for a second, he seems to actually be here.

    Today, on this eight anniversary of Steven's tragic death, if you can, please take a moment now to remember who Steven was and how deeply he is missed by each of us.

    The last time I spoke to Steven, was on the phone,Tuesday evening, June 17 , 2008.

    I didn't know that moment was going to be our last.
    The last time I would talk to you, and hear your beautiful voice.

    The last time I would tell you that I loved you, and hear you say “I love you too dad”. Strong and so real, so vibrant and alive.

    A smiling face, with twinkling eyes, your special smile, my fine young man, my oldest child.

    The shattered remnant of my heart with holes so black and fathomless no light can ever fill. I am and will be in shock forever.

    Time has passed before me, so bleak and dark and long, the wind that whispers through the trees, the brightest star at night, the rain on a dismal day, my endless dreams, nightmares, the constant thoughts, hearing the door bell ringing, seeing the 2 Nassau County Policeman at my door at 4 AM asking me politely if they could come inside, no eye contact from them, I knew and asked them "which one of my children", their response "do you have a son Steven living in San Francisco, he was killed in a car collision". 

    That moment is frozen in my mind, repeating itself endlessly almost every waking and sleeping moment of my life.

    The tragic death of Steven was caused by stupid, senseless acts. Every day, each night, my mind is focused on the highway at the collision, looking at Steven’s face while he is alive and then later, he is dead, covered by a tarp on the highway.

    The collision seems less a random act, and more determined, by a series of factors, not so benign, each one a contributing cause of my son’s death.

    Steven was killed not by accident, but by horribly connected actions, and inaction's, of many others, each building on the impact of the other. Steven’s death began when distinct acts of design and error grew to become the chaos of negligence.

    Steven was killed by the lack of highway signage, a secret State cover up of a structurally flawed highway design known as a "death trap", whose design errors were deliberately never corrected, violating the written safety codes of the  same government department responsible for building the highway, and the carelessness of a local community program, having a gathering, unaware that their visitors, were parking, turning, merging, clogging this already too narrow stretch of road that had no separate turning lanes.

    Steven was killed by a 21 year old drug impaired driver, who did not even have a driver’s license, an illegal alien. His danger to others not in his thoughts, but mostly I think he just didn't care about the effects of his irresponsible actions on Steven.

    Steven was killed by an army of first responders, Paramedics, Emergency Medical Technicians, Police, Firefighters, and Park Rangers, etc., busy littering the highway with equipment, while they tried to look busy and important.

    Steven courageously lived for about an hour after the collision while multiple systems of rescue professionals failed to get him to the hospital, and were unable to properly provide a minimum standard of the medical skills that they were trained to perform.


    The first responders missed his airway, suffocating him, vital oxygen crushing against his heart, lungs and diaphragm, taking his breath away, and horrifically killing him.

    The responder’s mission, to stabilize Steven for triage care at the Hospital, failed, lost in a few hundred square feet of disorder, with no one in charge, no one leading, standing, telling, helping, shouting, or recognizing the obvious signs of their medical errors.

    My son Steven was killed by carelessness, thoughtlessness, and negligence on the part of multiple entities and individuals.

    A gifted, talented, precious, irreplaceable, meaningful life was stolen from all of us who loved him deeply, because of the actions of so many who, each in their own way, miserably failed to help Steven, all destroying Steven’s life.

    I cannot believe that my son Steven lies buried in a grave so young, me dreaming of things that he was and might have been. 
      
    I am not religious, nor do I believe in god, so the traditional Mourners Kaddish prayer for Steven are meaningless words to me. 

    I have written my own Mourners Kaddish as a way to honor Steven, and I post it every year at this time.

    It is my way of expressing that Steven left behind a legacy of goodness, and worthy descendants, those who loved him, who will always remember that he lived.

    These sentences speak directly to Steven, because his pain and loss need to be honestly described in real words that accurately reflect my true feelings.               

    STEVEN NATHANIEL WOLKOFF'S MOURNERS  KADDISH

    Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff, Shmuel Nacham Ben Yaakov,  (Samuel Nathan, Son of Jerry).
                          

    September 23, 1977- June 21, 2008

    I am sorry that you are dead.

    I am sorry you suffered so painfully, on that awful day, as you fought to stay alive.

    I am sorry for the agony you felt, I see it in your eyes, face, and body from the horrific evidence photos.  I see and feel it in my endless nightmares.

    I am sorry for the fear, terror, unimaginable pain you felt in fighting for your life, as they killed you. I know the truth of your courage in being able to fight so bravely to stay alive.

    I am sorry for you because you were not killed by accident, but instead by the senseless, stupid, careless, actions of so many others who could have saved your life, but instead, each in their own way, miserably failed you that day, never realizing or even considering taking responsibility, or accountability for the consequences of their actions, inaction's, indifference, and incompetence.

    I am sorry you died not due to fate, nor randomly, but were instead killed by the cascading chaos of connected, dysfunctional, defective entities and others, all who caused your preventable death.

    I am sorry that you died because the State of California did not care about your life and decided not to fix a dangerously unsafe road, instead they deliberately hid the structural defects in the highway that made it into a death trap.

    I am sorry that you died because of the 21 year old drug impaired driver speeding out of control into your car. His danger to you not in his thoughts, but mostly I think he just didn't care about the effects of his irresponsible actions.

    I am sorry about the inept, licensed, qualified, medical first responders who had no idea, not a clue, of what they were doing medically to you as they killed you. They have no consciences and lied to hide how they murdered you in cold blood.

    I am sorry for you, that so many corrupt, ugly cowards of evil, who have evidence of the truth, but have no conscience to speak up, remain silent, lie, omit, refuse to come forward to admit their responsibility in covering up the true facts that all contributed to killing you.

    I am sorry for those whose toxic evil allowed all of the above to be done to you and escaped from being held accountable for participating in your death.

    I am sorry that your soul and body were desecrated in death.   

    I am sorry for the wicked hideous ones who desecrated your body in death and refuse to take accountability for their violation of your body, your soul.

    I am sorry that it has took us five years to finally successfully legally force the spiteful, hateful San Mateo County Coroner to release your final remains for proper burial.

    I am sorry that you died in spite of the true medical facts that show you should be alive today.

    I am sorry for all the multitude of evil ones who have tried to defame you and erase that your name.

    I am sorry that life is so cheap and yours has no value to those who killed you and try to erase you ever existed.

    I am sorry that the Legal system is weak, corrupt and I was not able to obtain justice for you. I failed to accomplish getting that Justice for you, please forgive me.

    I am sorry for my failing as your father to keep you from dying.

    I am sorry you did not leave the beach one second earlier or later to return home that day of June, 21, 2008.

    I am sorry that I was not there to protect you.

    I am sorry that I was not there that day to comfort you, hold you, ease your pain.

    I am sorry that I don't know the last thoughts in your mind before you died.

    I am sorry that you died alone, with strangers, and no one even had the courage, kindness to hold your hand.

    I am sorry that you died lying on a hot highway pavement, in a place unfamiliar, in the middle of nowhere.

    I am sorry that no one had the decency to cover your right arm and both feet, as you lay dead under the blue tarp.

    I am sorry the Medvac trauma helicopter was delayed in arriving there by 4 minutes, too late to stop the killer first responders from touching you.

    I am sorry that I was not even able to protect your dignity in death.

    I am sorry you cannot cry.

    I am sorry you cannot scream.

    I am sorry you cannot laugh.

    I am sorry you cannot smile.

    I am sorry you cannot feel.

    I am sorry you cannot talk.

    I am sorry you cannot breathe.

    I am sorry you are silent forever. 

    I am sorry that the world said nothing, heard nothing, says nothing about the injustices done to you.
      

    I am sorry that it was you and not me.

    I am sorry that I had to bury you and that you didn't bury me first, as it should be.  


    I am sorry for everything that I forgot to say now, or cannot, and did not say here.

    I am sorry for YOU because you are not here, you are NO MORE on this earth. 

    I am sorry that you cannot rest in peace.

    More than anything, I am sorry that you didn't have a chance to say goodbye.

    Your family will always honor you, remember you, miss you, keep you in our heart, preserve your memory in lovingly telling future generations about you, and love you forever. 

    We all miss you so very much.

    I mourn what was, what could of been, and what will never be.

    You deserved so much better my son, it just wasn’t meant to be.

    Your brother, sister, mother, family, and others who love you, will do the same. We will never forget YOU, never stop loving you, our precious beloved Steven. NEVER.

    Steven, I can only say, I am SORRY, SORRY, I am so SORRY.

    My heart is broken, my Steven is gone, and we will mourn forever.

     Hebrew -Amen. Love, Dad.