Tuesday, October 18, 2016


                                To The Munchkin's

I heard that "Boris" the rare, unique, reliable, ever trustworthy, 1996 Volvo 850 who never let any of us down in over 250,000 plus miles of driving over a period of over 20 years, has been abandoned by you its current owners. 

Let me tell you a little about Boris that you may not know.

Boris was so radical for his time, far ahead of all the other cars, proudly one of his kind.

All Volvo 850's like Boris came equipped with standard equipment such as 4 disc brakes, dual front airbagsanti-lock braking system, head restraints, three-point seat belts for all passengers, power windows, door locks, mirrors, cruise control, dual zone climate control, traction control, leather interior, power glass sunroof, power seats, heated seats, automatic climate control, and automatic transmission.

There were hardly any other options to order because most everything was included as part as part of the regular price.

Boris was the first 5 cylinder car ever made, the first front wheel drive car sold in North America and the first all wheel drive car manufactured by Volvo.

Boris was launched by Volvo with the slogan "A dynamic car with four unique innovations" which referred to the newly developed five cylinder transverse engine, the Delta-link rear axle, SIPS which is a specially structurally designed protection for side impact crashes, and the self-adjusting seat belt reel for the front seats.

I always admired and worshiped Boris because he never gave up. 

Sure when I gave him to you several years ago he was falling apart cosmetically, a fender here, a window there, the leather worn out, but not mechanically. His engine so powerful, smooth, purring like a race car, always ready to move at the tap of his accelerator pedal.

There also was that distinct engine sound so that you hear Boris coming down the street even before seeing him. Such a special, wonderful sound of someone coming home safely with him.

And oh what fucking amazing brakes. I have never had a car, ever, that had these legendary brakes stopping power in the world, that could stop literally on a dime in nano seconds, at any speed.

It is sad, to hear that Boris has been "rewarded" for his ever loving loyalty to all of us by no doubt (don't believe what that car donation Organization said about someone will take good care of him) they will soon chop up, crush Boris into pieces in a junk yard for a few pennies of his scrap metal value.

You know, that I know, we all know that Boris is human, not "just" a car. We have all spoken to Boris, thanking him for getting us safely to wherever we asked him to take us. 

Unlike that ego maniac, attention seeking, endlessly gabbing "Herbie the Love Bug", Boris was particularly shy he never said anything, but he had a personality, a beating heart, anyone who drove him could feel him taking good care of us.

Did Boris ever complain that his paint was prematurely peeling off after only a few years, or that grandpa was racing down the street at 90 miles an hour and making wild u turns in front of your house? 

Did Boris whine about not being washed, left alone in all kinds of places, no he never complained and was always there to welcome you when you needed him, regardless of what time it was, day or night.

They "broke the mold" when Boris was made and there will be no more cars made to replace that red looking, blushing hero who literally gave his very best to all of us.

I hope you were not there to see them tow Boris away today, because if you were, I know that he was crying and never expected to be dumped like a piece of garbage. 

I know you loved him and understand it was time to let go, even taking him out last night for a goodbye ride.

It has to be painful for you to look out your window, go outside and Boris is not there waiting for you.

Sure we still have Wanda, but she will never be a Boris, he is irreplaceable.

Boris was a victim of his time, built to last, not part of the modern planned obsolescence mind set,  always obedient, stylish, sort of the Superman of all cars. 

He did his job superbly for all of us and just outlasted his aging cosmetic flaws & the real uncertainty of his parts suddenly breaking, that comes with becoming very old. 

When you are very old, we want to have a young, pretty, new car, with that addictive new car smell.

You did well Boris, we will all miss you.

Rest In Peace.