Friday, October 3, 2014


In the male social culture of relationships with women, when I was growing up it was believed by most men, that when initiating different stages of sex with a woman and she says "no", that it is her playing "hard to get" and the real meaning is yes.

No woman wants her reputation to be that she is "easy" and so the belief was that this was simply part of the interaction. This was and is especially true of the younger generation in the past, as well as today's world.

Clearly, "no" means "no, and any other interpretation is an assumption that has led to numerous horrific cases of rape, criminal charges, suicide, trauma, and ruined lives.

California now has a "YES means Yes" law-Click Here- intended to deter sexual assault on campus. Under this law, to make love legally, each partner must agree as they "tag each base". 

This law attempts to define when yes means yes in College assault cases.

Just because a female said yes to being kissed doesn't mean she has said yes to having her breast or any other part of her body touched.

It seems absurd to me that anybody who thinks you can replace lust with a logical step by step government questionnaire, just hasn't been to college lately, or had contact with the younger generation.

In reality, the root of the problem is the serious cultural permission concerning the out of control drinking of alcohol, substance abuse among young people in "modern" society.

Today's party culture is so out of control that before the typical hookup, the average girl has had four drinks, and the average guy has had seven.

So yes, the law states that an intoxicated girl is incapable of giving legal consent even if she said "yes." But the guy she's with is too drunk to realize that, and often, too drunk to realize he's too drunk.

Certainly there have been many publicized cases world wide of horrifying incidents of date rape, gang rape, and forced rape by men of women victims which defy any sense of humanity.

There are many other times that these rapes go unreported by its victims due to embarrassment, shame, severe trauma, cultural mores, and genuine fear of retaliation.

Clearly this is a terribly critical, complex issue without easy answers, but is legislation by Governments, of "yes means yes", the answer?

Personally I think that it's unfair to  automatically assume the guy is always at fault when the girl also decided to drink too much.The woman is not always the losing person in this situation.

Any son, or their parents does not want their child to be accused of rape, and labeled a sexual predator for the rest of his life.

Bottom line: if colleges really want to prevent sexual assault, they have to understand the real issue isn't the sex.

The issues are about alcohol, substance abuse.

Most colleges pay "lip service" to the abuse of substance and alcohol abuse by their students. Binge drinking is common and openly done, often a way of initiation by Fraternities and Sororities. 

It's been this way for decades and remains unchanged.
The problem with "yes means yes" legislation, while the rules/laws although clearly stated should be respected by all, they are hard to recall when both of you are dead drunk and naked.

You cannot legislate away these types of problems by legal semantics.  

If Colleges, Society, Parents, People, want to seriously address the real issues, then there has to be meaningful, systemic, direct actions on their part, that are directed to educating and teaching personal accountability of all for their actions when violating the rights of others, no matter what a piece of legislation states.

Don't hold your breath for that to ever happen in a world such as we live in, where taking personal accountability and confronting the real issues, rarely is part of the way solutions are found.