Tuesday, July 3, 2012


I remind myself everyday to never take what you have for granted. So stop pissing, whining about stupid insignificant things and focus on the really important things in your life, if you are a parent, that means your children. Sometimes easier said than done with our busy lives these days.

June 21st will forever be the worst day of my life, the day my amazing, wonderful son Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff was taken from us and his life stolen from him at the age of 30 by the negligent acts of others who don't care about what they did to him.  

I will never be at peace, or have any peace as I fear Steven remains forever in limbo, perhaps never will he be able to rest in peace. I wish peace was something  that could be bottled and sold, as I would purchase the entire inventory and send it to Steven, my family, myself.

I have done and will continue to do the very best I can to obtain Justice for Steven. Sadly, it appears that there will never be any Justice for Steven, as the many Entities and people who are in political, judicial, legal power are vultures in a myriad of corrupt, vile, toxic, dysfunctional systems which they cowardly hide behind to manipulate, interpret, and use in ways that allow them to circumvent the sworn duties they have to uphold our Laws. It is all about their covering up and avoiding being held accountable for their actions, inactions, lies, and sub human behavior.

The life and death of my son Steven means absolutely nothing to those who prey on innocent victims as they hold zero value for a human life, instead trying to protect their own asses from being held responsible for their deadly negligence.
The Judge is simply supposed to rule on July 11th whether our case has any merit to go forward in the legal process and that it is not frivolous as claimed by the County, State and Ambulance Company. That is all he is charged to do, simply determining yes or no that there is the minimum, even tiniest possibility of negligence on their part, thereby allowing our case to proceed. 

Clearly our case is not frivolous, it more than meets the criteria of having merit, which should allow the Case to proceed to a Jury trial, where jurors will decide based on the facts, whether what happened was wrong, and that we suffered deep emotional grief from what was done. It is called due process and every citizen of the United States is guaranteed it under the Constitution.

Instead we have an unfeeling, cowardly San Mateo County community "circling their wagons", with a Judge who will likely rule once again against us, totally ignoring the facts, inappropriately expanding his own powers to be the Judge, jury, and decision maker, simply because he can. 

Pisses the shit out of me. What a fucking circus, a shit hole of laws made to be stretched, bent, twisted, broken by those who don't give a damn about providing Justice for victims or following the Laws according to the way they are written. if the Judge rules against us, our case is dead.

In particular, the Court, Legal System, "Privacy Laws" such as HIPPA and Public Health Coroners laws have been bastardized by the Insurance Co's, Coroners, politicians, and the long list of scumbags to be used to deny regular people of their human rights, especially those who are legitimately entitled to have their privacy protected, obtain justice, receive the rights intended to be provided by these Laws.

A perfect example is Steven's case where we are not able to get  critical info on the Paramedics, their Supervisors, their follow-up meetings discussing the negligence of all of them, and many other critical pieces of information  denied to us because "it would violate the HIPPA Law" which were designed to protect individuals such as Steven, ourselves. Instead these prick cowards ironically use this same law for them to hide behind so they can avoid being held accountable for killing Steven. What a sham, they won't release the information to us because "it would violate Steven's right to privacy", but they can kill him and withold this information by claiming they cannot violate Steven's privacy. Makes sense right, not really, but it is legal and misused all the time to protect those who have committed acts that kill people. 

These injustices are taking place throughout our Country, this so called Democracy called the United States of America, a Nation that has become a joke when it comes to the reality of protecting it's citizens, and providing freedom. It is all a phony mirage of propaganda that falsely claims we are a Country of Laws, a model of Democracy, when the truth is our Country is a cesspool of corruption, controlled by those in power who have no intention of doing what is best for we the people.

The Coroner owns your body, not you, not your next of kin as we all believe. No, the Laws as to what a Coroner can and cannot do are written deliberately in a weak, poorly defined, ambiguous way so that the limits of what a Coroner can do are almost unlimited. The Coroners powers derived from these laws are specifically written this way by certain politicians who are "owned" by special interest groups, in consciously NOT saying very much what the Coroners Office cannot do, thereby making just about anything they do legal by default, because it is not specified in the Laws as being prohibited.

In Steven's case the defendants San Mateo County, The great State of California, and American Medical Response desecrated Steven's brain by having their private pathologist remove Steven's remains to her own private place of work, from the protective custody of the Coroner. She then dissected Steven's brain into 20 pieces, this all taking place without our permission as Steven's parents, 2 years after the Coroner of San Mateo County issued his final findings and closed the case.

All this was done in response to our legal suit against them and in an attempt on their part to prove that their Para-Medics did not kill Steven. In the end they were never able to prove that because the truth medically beyond a doubt is in the Coroners report performed by his own Pathologist that the Para Medics did kill Steven by negligence of missing his airway, instead mistakenly pumping 60 pounds of pressurized air into his chest cavity, literally causing Steven to explode, a horrifically, painful slow death for my son. 

I have seen the pictures of Steven after he exploded, they are indescribably horrific, forever embedded in my brain. I cannot forget that image, it would haunt any human being yet these bastards who killed Steven are able to somehow not feel the evil they have done. I do not how they can live with themselves knowing what they have done.

Certainly this is more than enough to prove that our legal action is not a frivolous legal case but so far the Judge disagrees with us. We appealed his decision and his response will come on July 11th.

I received an e-mail in response to one of my Blog posts "Shame on San Mateo County from a person that I will call "anonymous". I don't know this person but it speaks volumes about the way human life is erased by those in Government who instead of helping us, will do anything, including murdering its citizens, to escape their being held responsible for fairly, equally, applying to the laws of the land to all of us, instead of only those they decide to use in their getting away with breaking the Laws, including the taking of a human life, mutilation, desecration of those in life and in death, whatever it takes for them to avoid being found guilty of violating the Law.

-----Original Message-----
Subject: your son

I read your blog and  you are not alone.  My dad was buried in 2010 without his brain, and I never learned of this until after his burial.  There was no reason at all to keep it. None.  Every time I visit his grave, I have terrible imagery. I am so very sorry for your loss and for the insult upon the injury.
The pathologist who made that decision was Dr.------------------------------------ in California. He was ruled incompetent by the California State Bar in 2006 and was fired many times and traveled the nation doing negligent work.  

A Frontline documentary called "Post Mortem " uncovered a huge mess in the coroner system in the  U.S.  If you have not seen it, I suggest you watch it.  It helps to know that there are those out there working hard to change the system that hurt you and your family and so many others.
Very powerful writing from another victim and family who feel what we are going through, have experienced the same indifference, ARROGANCE OF THE LAW in ignoring innocent victims, erasing facts, erasing human lives, families scarred forever by these acts of depravity.  New laws need to be passed but it is doubtful that this will happen, as self interest groups rule our country.

There are thousands of victims families who have been treated in this inhuman, illegal manner because those in power can do whatever they want without being afraid of being prosecuted by the system. They make the laws and break the laws with impunity, but hold the rest of us to a different standard when we are accused of breaking a law.

All of us have many different stresses and demands made upon ourselves as part of daily life. As a result there are so many difficulties in balancing our commitments to work, children, family, and even ourselves.

Putting things into perspective is a hard thing for people to understand but it is one of the most important things we can do to maintain our sanity.

It can be best understood by a comment I made on my son Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff's Memorial Page in September 23, 2011 and a recent reply dated June 29, 2012 June 29th 2012 .

Dear Steven:
         Today, September 23, 2011 is your 34th birthday.
It has been 3 and a half years since you were killed.

I remember when you were born and the magical, feelings of being there, watching you, my first child, as you breathed life as part of the miraculous moments of birth. I remember the happy times we all had being together as a family, experiencing the precious baby, child, teenager, and man you became.

I remember how you always asked me as a child to tell you a story before going to sleep, in particular you wanted to hear story’s about my own childhood. No sooner did I finish the story, you would lovingly say to me “tell me the story again”. I remember so much more, I will never forget you, and the unique love we shared as son and father.

I remember how proud you always made me feel that you were more than any father could ever want in a son.
I miss you more than anything I can say in words. I love you more than anything can describe that I feel. It was 30 years of love and happiness that you gave to all of your family. You taught me how to love and the meaning of what is important about life.

You will never be 34, never be all that you would have become in embracing a full life if you had been allowed to live.

The brutal reality is that every single day and night you are not here, and I am sorry for your life being stolen from you, that you cannot feel the sun, rain, snow, air, laughter, be with those you love, and enjoy the simple every day experiences of life.

I hope you feel no fear, no pain any more, that you are not lost, or alone, and I often wonder if you are here, in some way your soul still living, perhaps the red Robin that often perches on the tree limb outside of my window, or in the wind as it touches my face. I want to comfort you, touch you, talk to you, there is so much catching up to do, but none of this is possible.

I think of you almost all the time. I see your face everywhere, I hear your voice all the time as young men come and go and it is as if you were just with me, my hugging you and kissing your cheeks.

I think of you when I hear the song “Tears In Heaven”, it makes me wonder, ask unanswered questions, and sometimes cry. I dedicate it to you, forever, my beloved first born, my Stevie.
                             TEARS IN HEAVEN
                         The pain of your death gets worse every day that goes by. There is no Steven to touch anymore. I know this was not how it was meant to be. In this part of life we were all supposed to be smiling. Steven should be with his family, friends, loved ones, at the ballgame. He should be across the table at holidays, eating, blowing out the candles on his birthday cake. He should be living, not being written about being dead. I miss you so very much as only a parent who has lost a child can describe of an emptiness, feelings that never goes away, of the deepest, darkest, most painful hole inside our gut. I said it often to you, that I LOVE YOU STEVEN, and you ALWAYS responded to me ” I LOVE YOU TOO DAD”. I so miss the words, the feelings, the hello’s and the goodbye’s. I never knew that you would not return, that it was the last time we would see each other, talk on on the phone, and say the words of our love. It breaks my heart. I LOVE YOU STEVEN but there is no response anymore. Love-Dad.
Today almost a year after that post a beautiful reply written from someone by the name of Kristen who I also do not know, was posted to Steven's Memorial Page. Her reply (see below) certainly puts life in perspective and gives me hope that some good things can come from the horrific death of my son Steven.
"To the parents of Steven, I stumbled upon this webpage, saw the picture of your son and started to read your comments. I can’t even imagine the pain you feel inside! I can’t stop crying…my heart is breaking for you! I am grateful to have read your words about how you loved your son because I am a mother of 4 young children and I am having difficulty enjoying time with them and playing with them and just snuggling with them…life seems so busy and overwhelming! Tomorrow and every day after, I will make time to do the things I want to do with my children. Thank you for reminding me to cherish my children EVERY day! I am so sorry that your heart aches everyday for Steven! I hope you both find peace very soon!"
Her words deeply affected me and I needed to write her back (see below):
"Dear Kristen- I don’t know who you are but the feelings expressed in your comment have had a deep impact on me. I appreciate your understanding that Steven and our family have suffered a horrific loss that will never allow us to live in peace, there will never be closure. I cherish the 2 children I still have and am grateful every day for them being a central part of my life. Life is unpredictable and we all need to prioritize what is important for us to focus on. Our children are the legacy that we leave on this earth and there is only a limited time that we have to be a part of their lives. It is comforting to know that something good can come out of the tragic loss of my son Steven when a parent such as yourself realizes the importance of making themselves available to spend more time to be with their children. Tell your children every day how much you love them, cherish , feel, teach, and learn how irreplaceable your children are. Never think that losing a child happens only to ”other families”. It happened to us, and will sadly happen to many others like us who never ever imagined burying their own child. No parent should have to bury their child but it happens all the time, every day and night. Take nothing for granted and live each day making your kids a central part of your life. Your willingness in sharing personal feelings within you that were evoked by my above post recognizes the pain, suffering of our family.  We will never forget our beloved Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff, but he is gone forever. We will always have wonderful memories of the great times spent with him as a young child and young brilliant man. People such as yourself can also keep his memory alive by learning from our tragedy the importance of their own kids. As Steven’s father, I thank you for caring".                 The biggest shortcoming of most most decent people is their failing to usually appreciate the things in our life that are taken for granted. The next time you feel that your life, job,whatever sucks, or that your personal "issues" are more important than those of your children, wake yourself up, take your head out of your ass and learn to not sweat the small stuff and focus on what is important.    You never know what the next minute, hour, day will bring, life change happens in a nano second, there is no time left when forever dead is at your door, there are no do overs.