Friday, January 27, 2012


It's a fairly common occurrence for me, waking up usually from dreams or nightmares, grateful that I am away from those demons that hang out inside me when they decide to make an appearance. It's quiet, dark and cold at 4:30 in the morning. Now awake, there is nothing to do but think. Too early to get out from under the warm down comforter and too late to fall  back to sleep.

Whatever I was dreaming is now forgotten and its clear I am back from those travels. Of all the fresh thoughts rushing by, one stands out: I have made it to another day.

We are all a mix of our parents, ourselves, personal beliefs, and the experiences, good , bad, that we have learned so far in our lives. There are wonderful memories, sad ones also, and hopefully much more to enjoy in being who we are to become in the future.

For all of us, there will come a morning when new days like this will not come. There will be no more. So while there is still time and life ahead, maybe its best to look at what still awaits.

It may or may not end with a rainbow, I wish for a huge, beautiful, colorful rainbow. That is my promise to myself.

I never understood the speed of life, until I became older. I didn't understand timeless perfection until recently. I always though that time would slow down with age. The reality is the opposite, time flashes by incredibly fast, a speeding uncontrollable kaleidoscope.

How did it get to be the year 2012 so fast? I remember, often with precise images in my mind, the beauty of all those years before, the magic of those years gone by, and it all seems like it was just yesterday. Where did the time go?

There is a certain beauty to life, a magical, unpredictable journey through time. We share those moments with loved ones, ourselves, and each one of us looks back in longing affection at those simpler times.

It's now 5:00 a.m. and the first light of a new day is streaming across the sky. Laying here alone, I wonder about the future. What does it have waiting for me, how many rainbows, what will it be like, how will the next phase of  my life play out?

"Old man look at my life,
I'm a lot like you were.

Old man look at my life,
and there's so much more
Live alone in a paradise
That makes me think of two.

Love lost, such a cost,
Give me things
that don't get lost.

I need someone to love me
the whole day through
Ah, one look in my eyes
and you can tell that's true.

I've been first and last
Look at how the time goes past.
But I'm all alone at last."

Memories of life. Popping up here on my blog from time to time. There are some things that are felt but never said. Some questions that get asked, for which are no answers.

Sometimes, such as these simple moments I write about; No finer gifts could ever touch my life. I am grateful for that and a part of me believes that it may be possible to have a remaining journey that will be good. We will see, says my inner voice in the old man, we will see.