It always begins on this date every year.
My beloved sister Iris died on May 28th, 2004, and this marks the beginning of the period each year that fills me with incalculable suffering, inexplicable unfairness, tragedy that has wrought its massive destruction of so many good, loved members of my family, who deserved so very much better than they received in life and death.
Once again, another year has passed and I dread the intensified agony of overwhelming grief that envelops me for these lost souls of my family during the upcoming months.
I need not be told that it is here, since the pain is always present, all the time, year round, but becomes insidiously unbearable as of this date, and in the next few months, every year.
I painfully miss and mourn those of my immediate family who have died, more so than at any other time, as each year passes.
Increasingly difficult, filled with the aching of a lifetime beaten down into the ever present, toxic, non stop personal demons, nightmares, flash backs, with memories vividly stamped inside my brain, as if it were just yesterday that we were all together as a family and of course, big sister and little brother.
I planted purple Iris flowers, one of them pictured above in the garden out front of my house when my sister died.
I like the idea that they are perennials, returning every year, flowering in all their beauty, now looking so alive on another anniversary today of the day she died, after a courageous, painful battle to live.
We do that a lot in my family, fighting to live life to the fullest, and when our time comes, refusing to let go until our last precious breath. They call our family fighters, survivors, and that is what we do in both living our life with happiness as a gift never to be taken for granted, and also the darkness which is part of remembering.
Iris was a unique and compassionate person who quietly touched everyone she met with her kindness and strength.
Iris is missed by all of us who loved her. We will never forget her beautiful smile.
My sister was full of life, insightful, quiet, brave,
loyal, sagely wise, and then she was gone forever, horribly, excruciatingly painfully, and irrevocably.
She deserved so much better in her short time on this earth but it was not to be.
Iris, my sister, a gift to me in life, was more beautiful in a million ways than these magnificent flowers.
I will miss you forever my dear sister Iris, most of all,
I will always miss your caring love.
I love you.
