I wish I had spent more time living than fighting.
More time happy, than sad.
More time touching than looking.
More time playing than working.
More time content than angry.
More time loving than not.
More time enjoying than worrying.
More time free than surviving.
More time doing than planning.
More time caring than not.
More time being stupid than smart.
The incessant, cascading, crushing movement of time, so easy to miss, so costly to lose.
Time leads, and then follows, it is relentless.
The endless flashes of life, past and present, vividly, hauntingly real, lost, wandering, abandoned, brutally painful, repeatedly stream in and out of restless sleep, breathing
first with me, then against me.
The faces, the names, the stories never change. The beginnings, the middles, the ends, never change. Paths cross, mingle, hold together, then break apart.
So ugly, tortuous, that I need to wake myself up, come out of the nightmares to show that it's not happening now. But I can't wake myself up, stuck in the vortex of hell, until finally I am awake, heart beating out of my chest, exhausted, tired, like I just ran a marathon.
Reflections of the past, and every nuanced moment in my life, night after night relived, the race against the devil, slowly getting the best of me.
In a distant forgotten time, lays a brief time of innocence. I am gliding freely, remembering nothing but peacefulness.
My eyes open and there is reality, the spectacle of life, ebbing and flowing, and then finding its way to dream again. It moves unbroken and determined, chasing me, racing me, pursuing me.
It was never meant to be easy.
It was never meant to be fair.
It was never meant to be otherwise.
LIFE BRINGS US BACK TO WHAT WE ARE MEANT FOR.... ALWAYS.
