IT ALWAYS BEGINS WITH IRIS

 

               REST IN PEACE IRIS

 

Every year, "it" always begins with my sister IRIS, somehow fitting symbolically for her to represent the incredible inexplicable unfairness, incalculable suffering, and tragedy that has wrought its massive destruction of so many  good, loved, close members of my family, who deserved very much better than they received in life and death.  

Once again, another year has passed and the dreaded agony of my overwhelming grief for those of my family I painfully miss, mourn for, who have died, envelops my entire being, more so than at any other time.

It  always begins on this calendar date, May 28th as a not really necessary reminder, each year at this time, and lasts forever. I need not be told that it is here, since the pain is an always present bleeding part of my soul, all the time, all year round, but becomes insidiously unbearable as of this date, and in the next few months, every year, implodes beyond that which I can even feel as a human being. 

More difficult than ever, filled with the aching of a lifetime beaten down into ever present, increasingly toxic, non stop personal demons, nightmares, flash backs, with memories vividly stamped inside my brain, as if it were just yesterday that we were all together as a family, and of course, little brother and big sister.

I planted these Iris flowers in the garden out front of my house when my sister Iris died. I liked the idea that they are perennials, each year flowering in all their beauty, now looking so alive on another yearly anniversary today of the day she died, after a courageous and agonizing battle to live. 

We do that a lot in my family, fighting to live life to the fullest, and when our time comes, refusing to let go until our last precious breath. They call our family fighters, survivors, and that is what we do in both living our happiness as a gift never to be taken for granted and the darkness which is part of remembering.

 
My sister Iris was full of life, insightful,quiet,courageous, loyal, sagely wise, and then she was gone forever, tragically, agonizingly painfully, and irrevocably. She deserved so much better in her short time on this earth but it was not to be. Why her? Why??
 
Iris, my sister, a gift to me in life, was more beautiful in a million ways than these plants. 

I will miss you forever my dear sister Iris, but most of all I will always miss your caring love. 

I love you. 

Love, Jerry.